The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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