Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if you like me you must not know who I am
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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