you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize