guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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