did you get engaged???
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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