ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
