I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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