I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
