I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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