I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
