zippers are such a cool invention
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
