I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
