Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
