Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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