How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
