I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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