What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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