I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
