Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
