I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
