you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
the liver wants what the liver wants
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
