please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
