I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
