Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He has the fingertips of a God
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