Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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