I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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