you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
