Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
