Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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