She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
