Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
please come you make the beer taste better
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My vagina just recognized that song.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
