i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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