Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
