I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize