i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
