Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
