i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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