loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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