girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
