That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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