i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
not ubering you a puppy
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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