my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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