im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
