the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
