I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
