the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
