Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
