youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Drunk is not a location!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
