no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
