the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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