A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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