Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
