I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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