that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
