You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize