1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
