so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
