I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
