I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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