My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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