i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
