i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
