My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
