Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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