Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
