Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
