Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
