What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize