So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
