You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
