I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
