is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I understand Curling. That high.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize