i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Every concussion has its silver lining
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
